Coaching and Barbecue: Four steps to better coaching
by Ed Tittel
Monday, June 14, 2010
Barbecue is a noun, not a verb. I learned this soon after I moved from New Jersey to Tennessee in 1982. The conversation went like this:
“What’s good on the menu?”…“The barbecue is good.”…“Barbecued what?”
The room fell silent. Clearly I wasn’t from around here. I ordered the catfish.
The blinding-glimpse-of-the-obvious is that things are different – depending on how you look at them. Take Coaching, for example.
What’s the difference between a Coach, a Counselor or an Advisor? Many folks might tell you there’s little difference, but I beg to differ.
Our work on coaching suggests that a counselor, advisor and others of this ilk need to respond to very specific expectations from people who use their services. These folks expect experts and answers.
However, coaches are different. While coaches may be experts and do provide answers, a good coach, more often than not, helps us learn how to find the answer or do something for ourselves by challenging us with questions or activities. Working from this premise, we’ve come up with a few guidelines for good coaching.
- Coaching needs a Context…
Individuals and organizations don’t just go out and find a coach for no reason. They seek out a coach because something in their environment has changed, and they need to respond. A good coach asks “Why do you want to work on this now? What’s changed?” The answer becomes the context for the relationship. - It’s about the Client’s goals, not the Coach’s goals…
With the context set, the good coach cannot set goals for the client. The client has to define and ultimately own his/her own goals. The coach works with the client to build goals that inspire success and align with what the client defines as valuable to themselves and to their organization. - Protect the relationship
A good coach understands that a strong relationship is founded on Trust. If a coaching client thinks that the coach will report back to management, the client will only do what is safe. Growth will be limited. A good coach works for the coaching client and keeps information privileged. - Provide feedback, not judgment…
Coaching is about growing and doing better. It is not about appraisal. Good coaches don’t grade clients – they offer information, not judgment, about current performance. When clients fail, they need to know what influenced their performance and what they can do to be better.
Coaches are not mentors or consultants or advisors. They are experts in the process of helping people learn to do things better in an independent way. Good coaches set a context; they focus on the client, protect the relationship and offer valuable, practical information that helps people grow.
By the way, I live in Atlanta now and barbecue is definitely a noun.
Comments (7) •
(0)
8:57 AM
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Ed,
Well said. The barbecue story parallels my own experience in the south as well!
I would suggest, if I may, that a good coach is more a mirror than a provider of feedback or information - unless by the latter you mean helping the client see things about themselves that they were unaware of, based on what they’ve told you. Just as good coaching isn’t all about asking questions, it isn’t about feedback or information in the way we commonly define them. Feedback, to me, is a performance management tool; it’s not a word we ever used when I was training to be a coach. Feedback comes from the giver’s point of view. What we do as coaches is provide a mirror so the client can see newly for themselves about themselves. Similarly, information given comes from what the coach has “inkled” based on what the client has said, so it’s about the client, not the coach.
I think it’s important to distinguish these terms within the coaching context, since lack of these kinds of distinctions is what creates confusion about what coaching actually is - and allows far too many people to call themselves coaches who are actually mentors or consultants or advisors, not coaches. Thanks for this thoughtful post.
Joan T. Cook, MCC
Master Certified Coach
-Joan T Cook
4:10 PM
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Thanks for the kind words and I thoroughly agree with your mirror simile. Coaches are indeed like mirrors...and in support of your qualifying comment, we often do not see what others might see when we look in a mirror. As a result, the good coach often plays an important role in helping us interpret what we see. At Wilson Learning we often refer to the value of both conscious competency and conscious incompetency...with a coaching emphasis on the consciousness.
Thanks again for your comments. Ed
-Ed Tittel
9:20 AM
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Ed,
When I think back to the best coaches I have had, in addition to what you mentioned, the other key I remember is that a good coach motivates you (makes you?) do those things that long-term help you achieve your goals but may not be what you want to do at that moment. For example. my college gymnastics coach knew I wanted to be a world ranked gymnast and each day would help me push myself beyond what I thought I could do. While work/life coaches are different, I think the same principle applies. While an advisor or consulant can point you in the right direction, it is the coach that givens you that added push to move forward.
-Michael Leimbach
10:24 AM
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Where does “consultant” fit in your definition? Is a consultant a coach, or more an advisor or counselor?
-david nystrom
10:48 AM
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Michael. Your point is well taken. Good coaches do challenge you to go where you might not be inclined to go on your own. I think this characteristic is linked to a clear understanding of the coaching context (Your goal was to become a world class gymnast) and the foundation of trust that allows for the kinds of pressure that accompany the coaching challenges. If you didn’t know that the coach was working in your best interest, you might not be open to the challenges.
Thanks for you comments,
Ed
-Ed Tittel
2:34 PM
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David,
Interesting question. I often check my thinking in an old-school way by going to the dictionary or to a thesaurus. According to my desk-top-Websters, the second definition reads, “...an expert who is called upon for professional or technical advice or opinions.” My thesaurus website points directly to an “advisor.” While, when I enter coach into that site, it points to words like tutor, trainer, instructor, handler and manager. I think that the key here again suggests that while the coach may have “the answer,” good coaches focus on the process that will make their client consciously competent and independent in some capability. I think that’s the major difference. Coaches focus on developing a capability while the others focus on finding an answer. What do you think?
-Ed Tittel
3:02 PM
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Ed,
Well said again. A consultant is not a coach and the terms are not interchangeable, despite what it may look like out there! I like “focus on developing a capability” as a means to distinguish one from the other, since consultants are generally expected to come up with answers for the people they’re consulting with/to. In contrast, I would suggest that the purpose of coaching is to facilitate the client’s access to their own answers.
Joan T. Cook, MCC
Master Certified Coach
-Joan T Cook